Abigail’s Pet Project

Mistress X retired and I searched for someone of her caliber to see instead. I found Mistress Y.

Mistress Y, like X, is physically stunning, is very intelligent, very experienced, and is a specialist in seductive sensual domination. And her play space was similarly sumptuous, comfortable and fitted out with intimidating and exciting devices and equipment.

The sexual peak of our session for me was when I deep throated the bright red strap on with such fervor she encouraged me to take it easy but she was impressed with my ‘ability’. She had used clawed gloves on my skin. She used a small whip on my cock. She did other things, of which I only have very vague memories. But inside I wasn’t going anywhere. In fact I found myself having to fake my excitement thought breathing and voice because I felt so bad about how disconnected I was from the scene. I knew that this was an awesome play space, that she was beautiful, that she was intelligent, creative, but mentally nothing was melting, I wasn’t slipping in to any form of submissive headspace.

And here’s why:

After reading her extensive website I searched around the web and found a long interview with her. It showed her to be a professional domme of the highest order, but unfortunately for the narrow selfish context of my needs psychologically in the scene, I learned she was gay. I knew therefore that there was no chance of us becoming a couple (trust me I’m laughing along with you at the ludicrousness of it all). More specifically it made it impossible for me to buy that she would gain any sexual pleasure from the scene with me – even if that’s not true, it played enough on my insecurities to make it ‘true’ in my head.

Rightly or wrongly I left my encounter with Mistress Y feeling that if my encounter with someone of her caliber left me feeling this dead and untouched, then my earlier encounter with Mistress X had been a one-off that could never be matched, simply because I felt a connection with her that I would not be able to replicate elsewhere

And if you’re looking for a neat “why is this in the blog” moment here it is: The issue of where Abigail stands in regard to her feelings for me comes up in our relationship.

tags: Femdom, Submission, Perversions, Fetish author: petproject comments: No Comments

This recollection is of an event that is at least a decade back in the past, so I’m not going to claim it’s entirely reliable or trustworthy as a verbal documentary. What it is, however, is an accurate outpouring of the version of events that currently resides in the horrid dark chambers of my memory.

[Note: Where you see {bzzzzzt} is where my memory gives out and the narrative jumps to the next recollection available.]

I called the number and spoke to a sexy voiced young female assistant and wrote down the instructions - Go to the gas station at the corner of A and B, you’ll see a payphone by the deli, dial 123 4567 from this payphone, answer some identifying questions including the password which is Bluppo and then you will be told exactly where to come to meet Mistress X. Seriously. This is the method of filtering out wannabes, flakes and miscellaneous ne’er-do-wells.

I arrive at the extremely large house in a vaguely upscale urban neighborhood of a city that shall not be named. I go up, get greeted by her. This surprised me. Just her. Mistress X. And I’m immediately vaguely breathless because, she’s more attractive than her photographs. Read more…

tags: Femdom, Submission, Perversions, Fetish author: petproject comments: No Comments

This was back in the late nineties. I had an adventurous sex-life with my girlfriend of the time and we’d been getting into some borderline kinky activities with me, for instance, cuffing her wrists together, spanking her etc etc. And eventually we flipped the roles a couple of times and it was like a bomb went off in my head, because I was somewhat overwhelmed by how much I enjoyed that.

The specific coincidence of factors in play at the time that lead to my wanting to and being able to go see a professional dominatrix were as follows:

1) Summarizing my preamble: I had through fantasy exploration with my girlfriend discovered how turned on I was by playing the submissive role. I had before then mainly been dominant with her during sex when we did any d/s type interaction.

2) It was difficult for her to be the domme mainly because I was falling into, what has for me become, a classic trap of wanting to be treated a certain way when I’m horny and not wanting that at all when I’m not.

3) My girlfriend was okay on me seeing a prodomme (as long as I told her every little detail about it afterwards!)

4) With a professional session, the submission need only exist for the duration of that session. I.e. it was something I could walk away from at the end and need not return to again until I was ready, or not at all if that was my wish.

5) I found a pro-domme that, frankly, turned me on . I had searched extensively on the internet and come across numerous pro-dommes that seemed, to put it kindly, to have deep seated issues with men, but ultimately I found the website of Mistress X. She advertised as specializing in sensual seductive domination, and seemed knowledgeable, intelligent and was physically rather stunning.

tags: Submission, Perversions, Fetish author: petproject comments: No Comments

I don’t know if this weekend the relationship moved somewhat to a different place or it was just a long weekend vacation for a pervert. Either way it was extremely intense.

I’m speculating as to what happened in the immediate lead up to this but perhaps I got very horny on Friday and it showed in my diary entries and Abigail noticed this and this coincided with a certain heightened level of sexual appetite in her. And so when we chatted online on Friday it quickly became overtly sexual with her at some point asking me if I had any dildos in the house (as you do in polite pervy company). I dug them all out, measured them and listed them out in some detail. You can find this list in an earlier blog entry).

Well it doesn’t take someone with heightened levels of perception to figure out that if she’s asking these things then something dirty might be in the works.

And it was. Read more…

tags: Tease and Denial, Manipulation, Financial Domination, Perversions, Behavior Modification, Sex Toys, Fetish, Masturbation author: petproject comments: No Comments

Tonight a heated sexual exchange of ideas lead to a request from Abigail for a list of all the ‘dildos’ that I possesed. I recalled having a couple but then when I opened the boxes in which they are carefully stashed I was appalled or pleased or stunned to find that I had, well, a few more than a couple. So here below for your education and edification is a full and complete listing:

Footnote: These were accumulated over centuries of perversion. Seven times as many have been purchased and trashed as the tides of arousal and shame have ebbed and flowed through me.

——————————————————

#01: Deep purple translucent jelly dildo 7″ insertable lengh with ‘balls’-ish base. diameter: girth 5.5″

#02: Tera Patrick glassy hard gel dildo . 7″ insertable lenght with balls-ish base. very stiff, doesn’t bend hardly at all. girth is crazy 7.5″.

#03: Hustler silicone dildo. 6.5″ insertable length with slight wider hexagonal base: Girth 5″. slightly gently ribbed. metallic gold pink color, marbled.

#04: Black fish tail rubber dildo .. more of a cock style anal plug I guess. 6″ long . 5.5″ widest girth narrowing to 3″ girth just before widening to 2.5″ wide ‘fishtail’. shiny black - a bit toxic. the flesh colored one is harmless, this one tastes nasty and burns. don’t have flesh one anymore

#05: Tantus medium sized anal plug. Black. 4.5″ insertable lengh. 6″ girth at widest rib. 4″ at neck.

#06: As Item 5 but in bright red.

#07: Red vinyl ‘anal intruder’ type thing. v. inflexible. 7″ insertable length. 5.5″ at widest girth (near base). 3.5″ at narrowest (at tip).

#08: Purple Feel-doe - 7″ insertable. 5″ girth

#09: Lex. 9″ insertable. 6″ girth (for context)

#10: Red jelly dildo. no base. 10″ long. 5″ girth. toxic.

#11: Pink jelly dildo.no base. 8.5″ long. 5.5″ girth. super toxic (condoms fail on it’s nasty skin after not too long).

#12: O Gag.

#13: Ball Gag.

——————— THE END ———————–

tags: Manipulation, Perversions, Sex Toys, Fetish, Masturbation author: petproject comments: 1 Comment

The following came out of my head as I was stroking today in compliance with the Empty House guideline (see Guidelines tab):

700pm
Came home to empty house. logged on. stroking. in kitchen. no lube. hard anyway.

703pm

no way to avoid stroking cos 3day weekend .. nothing that needs to be done tonight cos can be done tomorrow or sunday or monday

even eating .not necessary. the only consequence is getting hungry and that’s not a big deal

the less you eat the longer the money lasts so it’s important to take care with eating

I ran into my ex. I was horny. I behaved myself but I dwawdled cos she had no bra again. I think her boyfriend is continuing her descent into whoredom. that gets to me. it makes me jealous when I’m horny. I excused myself before I broke the guideline and came into contact with her.

vvhorny.

not horny all time. that’s for porn stories. but horny a lot of the time. more time than ever. but not all the time. have sexual buzz all the time. that doesn’t leave. Read more…

tags: Femdom, Manipulation, Porn Addiction, Perversions, Erotic Fiction, Behavior Modification, Masturbation author: petproject comments: 1 Comment

The urge to stroke is consuming me. I want to talk to Abigail so I can stroke. I want to return to a home alone so I can stroke. I want to be allowed to stay up all night so I can stroke. I’d love to be required to stroke in the morning if only for a few minutes, just so I can stroke. This feels juvenile and pathetic and I don’t like it and yet it’s such a turn on to feel my priorities shift and slip and that urge dominate my thoughts most of the day. It really undermines my sense of autonomy and independence. All I want to do is stroke my cock. As Abigail says men are silly. And this is why. Ugh.

The only reason I’m stopping stroking now is I have to get to a meeting and the ‘be a model employee’ directive takes precedence - which is why Abigail is so important. I’d be lost in a sea of behaviour that might get me fired eventually without her. But dear God I’m horny.

tags: Femdom, Tease and Denial, Porn Addiction, Perversions, Behavior Modification, Masturbation author: petproject comments: 2 Comments

I won’t often post here, mainly because I have better things to do, but as I was cleaning out my email inbox, I came across a chat I’d saved and felt the need to share.   PP had broken a very strict rule and I was pissed. We’d been chatting long enough that he recognized that my flippant comments were actually thinly veiled sarcasm and venom. I’ll leave this here as a surprise for him.  lol

Abigail: you have niteflirt mail.
Abigail: Shall I send another?  This is fun.
petproject : I’m a squirmy nauseous mess. How are you feeling?
Abigail: Oh, I’m lovely
Abigail: wonderful
Abigail: having a grand old time
petproject : Fortunately you disguise your sarcasm well 
Abigail: you, my dear, are an ass
Abigail: you know that, don’t you?
petproject : And fortunately we are on hiatus so I can do anything I want. Which is just as well as if not I’d probably be getting into a lot of trouble right now.
petproject : An ass? Yes.
Abigail: Oh really? you’d be getting into trouble right now?
petproject : Yeah I’d probably be feeling in the grip of something and out of control….
Abigail: Good thing that’s not the case
petproject : a very good thing
petproject : cos who knows where that might lead
Abigail: Indeed
Abigail: Do you offer any explanation for your actions?   Any apologies?  If so, send them in response to the last p2v email I just sent Read more…

tags: Femdom, Manipulation, Submission, Financial Domination author: Abigail comments: 1 Comment

Abigail is currently torturing me with images from the online VS catalog that she likes in the hardcopy she’s looking at. Of course she has no idea she’s torturing me, she’s just bringing me up to date on one of her interests, lingerie. I appreciate that. But my cock is enraged, demanding attention. It twitches in time with my pulse. And mentioning that VS seems to have done a good job of getting average women to trust them with their sexy but not too ‘out there’ designs of the late nineties, very early part of this century but over the last three years have been pushing the tone of the collection ever more into arena of classy slutwear, slowly moulding women’s own perception of what is normal, acceptable. Abigail is unaware of how this almost makes my mind melt when she murmurs things like this.  And when I’m this aroused things can get crazy if she wantst to take it that way. I think, like most men my entire moral universe dissolves with arousal, or maybe I’m hoping that that’s what it’s like with most men, because if it’s not then my awareness of myself as a bit of sexual freak in terms of my craven obsession with arousal is still short of the mark.

tags: Manipulation, Porn Addiction, Perversions, Behavior Modification author: petproject comments: 1 Comment

The reason why financial domination turns me on is not necessarily going to be the same reason why it turns another person on.

It turns me on because it makes no sense to do it. It’s extremely real in it’s consequences. It’s something that would be shameful and humiliating to have revealed to people in my real life. Money is freedom and without it your choices narrow. It’s something that by turn excites, depresses, consumes and troubles me.

I suppose I could illustrate some of this by describing some of my thought process with regard to the recent development of the $250 monthly fee.

What do i think about it?

I hate it. I could pay for things with that now I can’t. It’s stupid. I don’t have to do it. There’s nothing beyond the arousal in doing it and the long term desire to try to follow through and trust Abigail and give as much (emotionally) to this “relationship” as I can and trust it will ultimately take me somewhere i will be glad to be. it makes my cock hard thinking of the stupidity of it. It makes me hard to know (tthe extent I ever know anything) that Abigail will be excited to see the money… to see me complying , obeying. The fact that Abigail said to me it needed to be paid by the end of the month and then I see a pay to view email on the 11th of the month is intoxicating and makes me think of how it would please her most to see it arrive on the the first of the month.

It can lead to or be tied to required changes in lifestyle. I’ve cut and cut and cut my expenses. Today I downgraded to basic cable and in a few days I’ll be taking advantage of a lower broadband internet access pricing. And i rarely eat out. I have a minimal social life. I put up with a hot or cold house depending on the weather and don’t resort to heating and cooling nearly as much as I used to. I’m trying to cut my grocery bills. I rarely buy clothes. My vacations consist of the occasional long weekend to places that I can drive to from where I live. I have been considering listing my purchases item by item so that Abigail, should she feel the need, can review them.

It’s not a secret that the reason Be a Model Employee appeared early in the guidelines was because that will lead to more money for Abigail, but also because my compulsive arousal addictive behaviours have , in the past, posed some threat to my career.

For some dommes blowing off work to stroke my cock all day would be incredibly arousing and would be encouraged. Not Abigail. She’s in it for the long term. She wants a stable of chief executives gladly paying a monthly fee to remain under her care and guidance.

But it’s not the total amount that’s hot (well partly it is of course) it’s how much you give Abigail relative to how much you have to give. If you have $10K in disposable income and you give her $1000, that’s not nearly as hot nor commendable as having only $100 in disposable income and handing it all over. Currently the intent is to move me very much into the latter category.

tags: Manipulation, Submission, Financial Domination, Perversions, Behavior Modification author: petproject comments: No Comments

Recently I fell asleep while chatting online with Abigail. She had been in a very playful sexy mood and I fell asleep. As you might imagine this didn’t go over too well. It’s probably unrelated but the next day she sent me an email payment request for $250. I paid it.

Then later that evening she said, “Btw thankyou for your payment, it’ll be interesting to see what you go through to make August’s payment, especially since August is almost upon us”.

It’s a measure of my particular sexuality that that sentence drove me into an aroused frenzy. Note the absence of words such as “anal”, “pussy” , “ass to mouth”, “cum-whore” or even “phone sex”.

Instead we see “payment”. But of course it’s not the what of it, it’s the how of it. “Presumption” is a neglected aspect of D/s play.

For instance, presuming in this case that the sub realizes he is now to pay a monthly subscription. The heat is in the fact that it’s not up for discussion, it’s not even presented directly as a fact, even the word subscription is not used. She does not say, “By the way I’ve decided that from now on you are to pay me a monthly subscription of …”, This is communicating the same information - the ‘what’ of it. But it’s doing it in, for me and my warped sensibility at least, a dull and unsexy way.

In Abigail’s case she is simply stating it in a way that presumes complete obedience, and also in an indirect but powerful way saying “I know we didn’t discuss this, I know I’m not even stating clearly what I mean, but we both know what I mean, and look, life has changed for you once again, just a little”.

I think about these things far too much. I hope by writing about it I haven’t taken the fun out of it for anyone because this ‘presumption’ thing, it can be hard to do, but it’s very hot when done well.

Footnote:

And it’s interesting that “Presumption” in a sub is about as unsexy as it can get for a certain kind of domme.

A presumption that a domme will talk to you if you talk to her

A presumption that paying for a service gives you any rights to dictate what happens

It’s the presumption that kills the heat, not what it is that’s being presumed. Presumption and Submission are not really all that compatible, whereas Presumption and Dominance are entirely compatible.

tags: Femdom, Manipulation, Submission, Financial Domination, Perversions, Behavior Modification, Fetish author: petproject comments: No Comments

It’s vaguely disturbing to report that warming and cuddling Lex, the large black rubber cock, has already become normal.

When I go to clean my teeth I turn on the faucet on the second sink and let it run, and as I’m brushing I dip my fingers into the stream to see if it’s hot. When it is, which takes 30seconds at the most, I put in the plug and place Lex in there and once he’s covered with hot water I slow the water to a trickle to ensure he stays covered and the ‘bath’ stays hot. I complete my ablutions and about a total of 20 minutes after immersion I take Lex out hot and shake him to get most of the droplets off and walk naked to bed and slide into bed and … errr … yes … cuddle him.

It’s distinctly weird writing this. What I’m doing is truthfully a bit creepy.

Why it arouses me is not really related to the act itself, but almost entirely because Abigail told me to. It gives me a feeling of obedience and has that aspect of bringing fantasy into reality. Which, for me, is so …. hmm … hot

tags: Femdom, Tease and Denial, Manipulation, Submission, Perversions, Behavior Modification, Fetish author: petproject comments: No Comments

Came home to an empty house. Masturbated for 2 and half hours …
Lots of very nasty thoughts during session. Some highlights were :
* have to cut monthly budget 40%. - nothing beyond a regular coffee for me at any coffee shop. No convenience foods. Make lots of one thing and eat it for several nights.

* can’t run ac when home alone regardless of temp.
* can only use car for work must walk for allother errands.

* cannot purchase alcohol unless express permission from Abigail

* must cancel cable
* must not spend more than $25/monthon broadband connection

* thought of Abigail torturing me with the the thought that if I’m not careful my ex-girlfriend will move in with me again and instead of paying rent will charge me a fee for her company
* ever since a certain conversation with Abigail in the recent past everytime i see the reverse cowgirl position in a porno, I think of Abigail riding me in that position while i have Lex the big black dildo sliding in and out of my throat while she leans forward to use the computer to go shopping to max out my credit cards and drain my bank account …

tags: Femdom, Manipulation, Submission, Financial Domination, Perversions, Behavior Modification, Masturbation author: petproject comments: 1 Comment

Like with creative endeavours in general most of them are crap, most of them heinously so. So it is with pso’s and so it definitly is with phone sex recordings.

My preferences are for the recording to sound like a real person recounting a “real” hot event or constructing a hot scenario  - there being no sense of reading a prepared text. Close to someone touching themselves as they tell it because it gets them hot too.

And details are very important, and lack of cliches in general and ridiculous names for sexual organs and the employment of such, in particular.

And then there’s the all important “voice”.  Any voice that sounds like it means it will do, but if it’s a little lower in register than ‘teen’ squeal, has some air in it without quite becoming Marlena Diertrich …. then we’re approaching the pinnacle.  The kind of voice that … well let me quote that world authority on alll things PSO .. myself .. from Sept of 2005 in response to calling one of Abigail’s recordings ..  I wrote this :

“ I saved up my pennies to listen to this one. Central question raised: “If Abigail could give me the most intense sexual pleasure imaginable would I become entirely hers?”. Well I got so turned on by the way she was talking, what she was doing and what she was saying that I found myself answering “Yes, yes, …YES” and there was a further choice for me to make near the end … mmmmm … dirty one of course… It’s her manner, pacing, intonation that gets to me, dear lord she could be reading the phone book and I’d probably still end up feeling ‘owned’!! Bags of detail, very vivid, sensual, intense, with dose of kink and a hint of darkness. Bon Appetit! ”

‘NUff said?

tags: Perversions author: petproject comments: No Comments

I think about being cuffed at night a lot.
I think about the large black Lex-cock being unused in the cupboard for so long.
I think about wearing a steel teardrop cockring or any cockring at all
I wonder about if things are progressing so slowly for a reason or for no reason at all.
I think about how weird it is that Abigail is such a good influence in my life.
I think about how bad my situation might have gotten without her.
I wonder if and when things will get more challenging.
I think about being a model employee because she wants it
I think about how much I think about her and her influence on my life
I find it hot. Very hot. Because I’m a freak.
I wonder if guidelines about this girl I know will enter the guidelines
I think about how hot it would be to check the guidelines every day and to make sure I keep up with the changes, the additions

tags: Perversions author: petproject comments: No Comments

How long have I known Abigail  .. well in a long existing yahoo account I have emails that go back to May 4, 2004.

It must be earlyish because I’m using the eccentric nom de plume of “David”.

Here is the very earliest one i have from May 4, 2004.

Abigail,

Well here we go:

I love hunting for erotica/dirty stories - happy hunting grounds are the Read more…

tags: Femdom, Perversions, Erotic Fiction, Behavior Modification, Fetish author: petproject comments: 1 Comment

Abigail has asked me to put an entry on the blog about my relationship with her. So I’m going to try to do that one more time right here.

Firstly, the most truthful thing to say is that my relationship with Abigail is what it is. Namely that it exists, but there’s not much else to be said that does not risk inaccuracy.

So onwards into the Potential Inaccura Sea. Btw that is so funny.

Read more…

tags: Femdom, Manipulation, Perversions, Behavior Modification author: petproject comments: No Comments

More fire drills to handle at work, but handling them for I am charged with being a good worker by Abigail. I think I’m doing that.  Argentina play Germany kicking off at 8am .. should be a greeeat game but unfortunately I will only be able to see the first 30 minutes.

Bad thought fragment:  I imagined asking an ex girlfriend to remove her jeans and underwear, shave herself smooth and put on the ivory colored pleated miniskirt, with some appropriately high heels for a visit to the school reunion. “What will they think of me?” she asks. :”Nothing that isn’t true”. She says nothing, just briefly bites her lower lip and mumbles, “okay”.

Read more…

tags: Femdom, Manipulation, Submission, Perversions, Masturbation author: petproject comments: 2 Comments