I’m a walking talking d/s cliche. White, forties, successful (if a little uneasy about the success) at work, well respected, well paid, but hopelessly messed up internally due to an addiction to sexual arousal that mirrors in it’s irrationality, intensity and incessant gotta-do-it / gotta-stop-it cycles, an untreated addiction to heroine.
I want to be healed. […]
I’m feeling a bit weary and dull-headed as I write this but I’m in the middle of an insane weekend with Abigail. It’s indulging my appetite for extraordinary levels of extended sexual arousal grounded in bad behavior. And though I know all that - the generality about myself I am learning new specifics. Such as […]
Abigail often has these passing fetishy interests and I had expected the ‘forced intoxication’ play to grow old for her and that it would already be behind us. But it hasn’t. If anything it’s escalating. I’m not turned on by intoxication per se, but I am turned on by bad behavior, by things that […]
I don’t think the term Forced Intoxication works here because it’s not truly forced. How can it be by phone? It’s more manipulation, encouragement, and as I said direction.Considering I’ve had intense ‘bad’ fantasies since puberty it should be stated that my fascination with, indeed even my awareness of forced intoxication on goes back I […]
Golden Rules
1.Abigail’s requirements take precedence over all other life requirements
2.The requirements of your employment which finances your relationship with Abigail are next
3.Everything else – family, friends etc. - come after Abigail, and after your work.
Behavioural Rules
Complex Truth About You #1:
Your relationship to Sexual Arousal is that of a Degenerate Drug Addict
In your past your compulsion […]
I just paid November’s monthly fee for $250. The fact that I paid it without much reflection is on my mind. I don’t have the money. It’s more debt. It makes no sense. I should walk away. But I don’t. It’s an illness. I don’t know why I keep walking down this path.
And last night […]
It wasn’t working. He couldn’t believe it. He was sitting in his car on the driveway. He’d just gotten back. He was on the phone. The smooth female voice was telling him, “It will take time; I’ve always told you that haven’t I? Objectification is a subtle long term process. Just because you’ve bought a […]
Abigail’s present to me was to give me free reign to masturbate during an entire weekend and to be allowed to cum when I felt like it.
Me being me ended up not coming because I love/hate the idea of love/hating the fact that I wanted so badly to cum and yet wanted more, I suppose, […]
On my birthday which occured during the last six weeks sometime, I sent $100 to Abigail. Why?
Simple:
1) Because it makes no sense
2) Because it’s financially of dubious sanity
3) Because it’s the opposite of what the normal world would expect.
4) Because it pleases, and rumor has it, arouses, Abigail
5) Because it turns me on to do […]
Mistress X retired and I searched for someone of her caliber to see instead. I found Mistress Y.
Mistress Y, like X, is physically stunning, is very intelligent, very experienced, and is a specialist in seductive sensual domination. And her play space was similarly sumptuous, comfortable and fitted out with intimidating and exciting devices and equipment.
The […]
This recollection is of an event that is at least a decade back in the past, so I’m not going to claim it’s entirely reliable or trustworthy as a verbal documentary. What it is, however, is an accurate outpouring of the version of events that currently resides in the horrid dark chambers of my memory.
[Note: […]
This was back in the late nineties. I had an adventurous sex-life with my girlfriend of the time and we’d been getting into some borderline kinky activities with me, for instance, cuffing her wrists together, spanking her etc etc. And eventually we flipped the roles a couple of times and it was like a bomb […]
I won’t often post here, mainly because I have better things to do, but as I was cleaning out my email inbox, I came across a chat I’d saved and felt the need to share. PP had broken a very strict rule and I was pissed. We’d been chatting long enough that he […]
The reason why financial domination turns me on is not necessarily going to be the same reason why it turns another person on.
It turns me on because it makes no sense to do it. It’s extremely real in it’s consequences. It’s something that would be shameful and humiliating to have revealed to people in my […]
Recently I fell asleep while chatting online with Abigail. She had been in a very playful sexy mood and I fell asleep. As you might imagine this didn’t go over too well. It’s probably unrelated but the next day she sent me an email payment request for $250. I paid it.
Then later that evening she […]
It’s vaguely disturbing to report that warming and cuddling Lex, the large black rubber cock, has already become normal.
When I go to clean my teeth I turn on the faucet on the second sink and let it run, and as I’m brushing I dip my fingers into the stream to see if it’s hot. When […]
Came home to an empty house. Masturbated for 2 and half hours …
Lots of very nasty thoughts during session. Some highlights were :
* have to cut monthly budget 40%. - nothing beyond a regular coffee for me at any coffee shop. No convenience foods. Make lots of one thing and eat it for several nights.
* […]
More fire drills to handle at work, but handling them for I am charged with being a good worker by Abigail. I think I’m doing that. Argentina play Germany kicking off at 8am .. should be a greeeat game but unfortunately I will only be able to see the first 30 minutes.
Bad thought fragment: I […]
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