I’ve been away from posting for a while. But not from Abigail. I am addicted to sexual arousal. And as Abigail arouses me so I am, by association, addicted to my relationship with Abigail, and by association addicted to Abigail. And within the relationship the exploration of alcohol, sleep deprivation and other forms of losing […]
I’m a walking talking d/s cliche. White, forties, successful (if a little uneasy about the success) at work, well respected, well paid, but hopelessly messed up internally due to an addiction to sexual arousal that mirrors in it’s irrationality, intensity and incessant gotta-do-it / gotta-stop-it cycles, an untreated addiction to heroine.
I want to be healed. […]
Friday morning. Very hard. totally distracted and unable to work. Why? Because I was/am thinking thoughts along the lines of:
I’m sitting in a coffee shop with Abigail. She’s my girlfriend (or so people think). She’s not talking. We’ve been sitting in silence for a while, and finally I’m talking.
“You know, it’s hot to be,” I […]
First let me say that I have used for some time now a perfectly legal pharmaceutical that allows one to stay awake and alert far longer than is normally possible. However, typically I have never used that to do more than pull an all nighter for work, so I can go in the next day […]
I’m feeling a bit weary and dull-headed as I write this but I’m in the middle of an insane weekend with Abigail. It’s indulging my appetite for extraordinary levels of extended sexual arousal grounded in bad behavior. And though I know all that - the generality about myself I am learning new specifics. Such as […]
I’ve been quiet lately and there are reasons for this that are too dull to be worthy of description here but it has made me realize the extent to which Abigail dominates my life - not just in the literal kink way but to the extent that absent her I don’t have an extensive series […]
I’m developing a strengthening association between feeling horny and wanting to drink. My desire to drink does not exist when I’m unaroused. Sometimes even when aroused I don’t desire drink. But in the last week to ten days I would say that most of the time I get horny and start to crave alcohol, or […]
For reasons of perversion and dark need I have to wank for five hours today minimum, flush my ass out, and can’t eat after 8pm without permission. Oh and be naked in the house. Oh and wear a collar at all times. And have a cockring and cuffs available too. And tonight there will a […]
Abigail often has these passing fetishy interests and I had expected the ‘forced intoxication’ play to grow old for her and that it would already be behind us. But it hasn’t. If anything it’s escalating. I’m not turned on by intoxication per se, but I am turned on by bad behavior, by things that […]
It’s been about a month now since I last came. Neither I nor Abigail are sure of the exact date but it was most likely sometime in the beginning of February. It started without any negotiation it was more that I happened not have cum for a few days and she suggested extending it.
I’ve always […]
I don’t think the term Forced Intoxication works here because it’s not truly forced. How can it be by phone? It’s more manipulation, encouragement, and as I said direction.Considering I’ve had intense ‘bad’ fantasies since puberty it should be stated that my fascination with, indeed even my awareness of forced intoxication on goes back I […]
At most I slept for three hours. I awoke painfully hard. The delicious torture of cialis is that you can feel asexual and yet sport an iron hard erection which coaxes you like an evil spirit to take up once again your lubricant and begin to stroke. And so I did.
I do not know that […]
Golden Rules
1.Abigail’s requirements take precedence over all other life requirements
2.The requirements of your employment which finances your relationship with Abigail are next
3.Everything else – family, friends etc. - come after Abigail, and after your work.
Behavioural Rules
Complex Truth About You #1:
Your relationship to Sexual Arousal is that of a Degenerate Drug Addict
In your past your compulsion […]
I just paid November’s monthly fee for $250. The fact that I paid it without much reflection is on my mind. I don’t have the money. It’s more debt. It makes no sense. I should walk away. But I don’t. It’s an illness. I don’t know why I keep walking down this path.
And last night […]
I saw a soccer girl, around eighteen or nineteen, who was so attractive I had to laugh and shake my head. I saw three other men, probably fathers, the pervs, grinning to themselves.
Looking at her, I was thinking, oh come on, I’m just trying to walk my dog through the park like I always do […]
I woke up this morning feeling unspeakably horny, on my side slightly face down grinding. After several days of limited desire suddenly I was drowning in it. And today I hated it. I really wanted it to go away. I didn’t have anything urgent to do today. I’d returned to a home alone so could […]
It wasn’t working. He couldn’t believe it. He was sitting in his car on the driveway. He’d just gotten back. He was on the phone. The smooth female voice was telling him, “It will take time; I’ve always told you that haven’t I? Objectification is a subtle long term process. Just because you’ve bought a […]
A fictional story by petproject.
The winery restaurant was set in the thankfully still undeveloped foothills that lay barely a mile from the urban sprawl of the valley.
I remember, as we ascended the steps, whispering that you looked so refined in that summer dress. That no-one had the least idea you were a cock-hungry fuckwhore. The […]
Abigail’s present to me was to give me free reign to masturbate during an entire weekend and to be allowed to cum when I felt like it.
Me being me ended up not coming because I love/hate the idea of love/hating the fact that I wanted so badly to cum and yet wanted more, I suppose, […]
On my birthday which occured during the last six weeks sometime, I sent $100 to Abigail. Why?
Simple:
1) Because it makes no sense
2) Because it’s financially of dubious sanity
3) Because it’s the opposite of what the normal world would expect.
4) Because it pleases, and rumor has it, arouses, Abigail
5) Because it turns me on to do […]
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