Friday morning. Very hard. totally distracted and unable to work. Why? Because I was/am thinking thoughts along the lines of:
I’m sitting in a coffee shop with Abigail. She’s my girlfriend (or so people think). She’s not talking. We’ve been sitting in silence for a while, and finally I’m talking.
“You know, it’s hot to be,” I […]
Abigail often has these passing fetishy interests and I had expected the ‘forced intoxication’ play to grow old for her and that it would already be behind us. But it hasn’t. If anything it’s escalating. I’m not turned on by intoxication per se, but I am turned on by bad behavior, by things that […]
I don’t think the term Forced Intoxication works here because it’s not truly forced. How can it be by phone? It’s more manipulation, encouragement, and as I said direction.Considering I’ve had intense ‘bad’ fantasies since puberty it should be stated that my fascination with, indeed even my awareness of forced intoxication on goes back I […]
Golden Rules
1.Abigail’s requirements take precedence over all other life requirements
2.The requirements of your employment which finances your relationship with Abigail are next
3.Everything else – family, friends etc. - come after Abigail, and after your work.
Behavioural Rules
Complex Truth About You #1:
Your relationship to Sexual Arousal is that of a Degenerate Drug Addict
In your past your compulsion […]
I just paid November’s monthly fee for $250. The fact that I paid it without much reflection is on my mind. I don’t have the money. It’s more debt. It makes no sense. I should walk away. But I don’t. It’s an illness. I don’t know why I keep walking down this path.
And last night […]
On my birthday which occured during the last six weeks sometime, I sent $100 to Abigail. Why?
Simple:
1) Because it makes no sense
2) Because it’s financially of dubious sanity
3) Because it’s the opposite of what the normal world would expect.
4) Because it pleases, and rumor has it, arouses, Abigail
5) Because it turns me on to do […]
I don’t know if this weekend the relationship moved somewhat to a different place or it was just a long weekend vacation for a pervert. Either way it was extremely intense.
I’m speculating as to what happened in the immediate lead up to this but perhaps I got very horny on Friday and it showed in […]
I won’t often post here, mainly because I have better things to do, but as I was cleaning out my email inbox, I came across a chat I’d saved and felt the need to share. PP had broken a very strict rule and I was pissed. We’d been chatting long enough that he […]
The reason why financial domination turns me on is not necessarily going to be the same reason why it turns another person on.
It turns me on because it makes no sense to do it. It’s extremely real in it’s consequences. It’s something that would be shameful and humiliating to have revealed to people in my […]
Recently I fell asleep while chatting online with Abigail. She had been in a very playful sexy mood and I fell asleep. As you might imagine this didn’t go over too well. It’s probably unrelated but the next day she sent me an email payment request for $250. I paid it.
Then later that evening she […]
Came home to an empty house. Masturbated for 2 and half hours …
Lots of very nasty thoughts during session. Some highlights were :
* have to cut monthly budget 40%. - nothing beyond a regular coffee for me at any coffee shop. No convenience foods. Make lots of one thing and eat it for several nights.
* […]
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