I’ve been away from posting for a while. But not from Abigail. I am addicted to sexual arousal. And as Abigail arouses me so I am, by association, addicted to my relationship with Abigail, and by association addicted to Abigail. And within the relationship the exploration of alcohol, sleep deprivation and other forms of losing […]
Friday morning. Very hard. totally distracted and unable to work. Why? Because I was/am thinking thoughts along the lines of:
I’m sitting in a coffee shop with Abigail. She’s my girlfriend (or so people think). She’s not talking. We’ve been sitting in silence for a while, and finally I’m talking.
“You know, it’s hot to be,” I […]
First let me say that I have used for some time now a perfectly legal pharmaceutical that allows one to stay awake and alert far longer than is normally possible. However, typically I have never used that to do more than pull an all nighter for work, so I can go in the next day […]
I’m feeling a bit weary and dull-headed as I write this but I’m in the middle of an insane weekend with Abigail. It’s indulging my appetite for extraordinary levels of extended sexual arousal grounded in bad behavior. And though I know all that - the generality about myself I am learning new specifics. Such as […]
I’ve been quiet lately and there are reasons for this that are too dull to be worthy of description here but it has made me realize the extent to which Abigail dominates my life - not just in the literal kink way but to the extent that absent her I don’t have an extensive series […]
Abigail often has these passing fetishy interests and I had expected the ‘forced intoxication’ play to grow old for her and that it would already be behind us. But it hasn’t. If anything it’s escalating. I’m not turned on by intoxication per se, but I am turned on by bad behavior, by things that […]
It’s been about a month now since I last came. Neither I nor Abigail are sure of the exact date but it was most likely sometime in the beginning of February. It started without any negotiation it was more that I happened not have cum for a few days and she suggested extending it.
I’ve always […]
Golden Rules
1.Abigail’s requirements take precedence over all other life requirements
2.The requirements of your employment which finances your relationship with Abigail are next
3.Everything else – family, friends etc. - come after Abigail, and after your work.
Behavioural Rules
Complex Truth About You #1:
Your relationship to Sexual Arousal is that of a Degenerate Drug Addict
In your past your compulsion […]
I just paid November’s monthly fee for $250. The fact that I paid it without much reflection is on my mind. I don’t have the money. It’s more debt. It makes no sense. I should walk away. But I don’t. It’s an illness. I don’t know why I keep walking down this path.
And last night […]
It wasn’t working. He couldn’t believe it. He was sitting in his car on the driveway. He’d just gotten back. He was on the phone. The smooth female voice was telling him, “It will take time; I’ve always told you that haven’t I? Objectification is a subtle long term process. Just because you’ve bought a […]
Abigail’s present to me was to give me free reign to masturbate during an entire weekend and to be allowed to cum when I felt like it.
Me being me ended up not coming because I love/hate the idea of love/hating the fact that I wanted so badly to cum and yet wanted more, I suppose, […]
On my birthday which occured during the last six weeks sometime, I sent $100 to Abigail. Why?
Simple:
1) Because it makes no sense
2) Because it’s financially of dubious sanity
3) Because it’s the opposite of what the normal world would expect.
4) Because it pleases, and rumor has it, arouses, Abigail
5) Because it turns me on to do […]
I don’t know if this weekend the relationship moved somewhat to a different place or it was just a long weekend vacation for a pervert. Either way it was extremely intense.
I’m speculating as to what happened in the immediate lead up to this but perhaps I got very horny on Friday and it showed in […]
The following came out of my head as I was stroking today in compliance with the Empty House guideline (see Guidelines tab):
700pm
Came home to empty house. logged on. stroking. in kitchen. no lube. hard anyway.
703pm
no way to avoid stroking cos 3day weekend .. nothing that needs to be done tonight cos can be done tomorrow […]
The urge to stroke is consuming me. I want to talk to Abigail so I can stroke. I want to return to a home alone so I can stroke. I want to be allowed to stay up all night so I can stroke. I’d love to be required to stroke in the morning if only […]
Abigail is currently torturing me with images from the online VS catalog that she likes in the hardcopy she’s looking at. Of course she has no idea she’s torturing me, she’s just bringing me up to date on one of her interests, lingerie. I appreciate that. But my cock is enraged, demanding attention. It twitches […]
The reason why financial domination turns me on is not necessarily going to be the same reason why it turns another person on.
It turns me on because it makes no sense to do it. It’s extremely real in it’s consequences. It’s something that would be shameful and humiliating to have revealed to people in my […]
Recently I fell asleep while chatting online with Abigail. She had been in a very playful sexy mood and I fell asleep. As you might imagine this didn’t go over too well. It’s probably unrelated but the next day she sent me an email payment request for $250. I paid it.
Then later that evening she […]
It’s vaguely disturbing to report that warming and cuddling Lex, the large black rubber cock, has already become normal.
When I go to clean my teeth I turn on the faucet on the second sink and let it run, and as I’m brushing I dip my fingers into the stream to see if it’s hot. When […]
Came home to an empty house. Masturbated for 2 and half hours …
Lots of very nasty thoughts during session. Some highlights were :
* have to cut monthly budget 40%. - nothing beyond a regular coffee for me at any coffee shop. No convenience foods. Make lots of one thing and eat it for several nights.
* […]
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