Abigail’s Pet Project

I’m developing a strengthening association between feeling horny and wanting to drink. My desire to drink does not exist when I’m unaroused. Sometimes even when aroused I don’t desire drink. But in the last week to ten days I would say that most of the time I get horny and start to crave alcohol, or rather I start to ache for the soft, warm, happy, fuzzed out state of mind that comes with alcoholic intoxication.

I’ve fallen asleep in mid binge about five times in the last two weeks

Since April 16 I’ve drunk all of the vodka (1.75L) and all of the rum (1.75L), plus two beers, 5oz of Jim Beam and 12oz of tequila in that time.

For those that care: That’s 92 shots in 25 days.

Drinking this much alcohol this often can’t be good for my brain, liver or body in general. But I’m turned on by recklessly damaging myself to please Abigail. That’s probably the sickest thing about all this. It’s bad, it’s wrong, I want it.

If cocaine were legal I’d be begging Abigail to let me snort it.

One morning after a particularly heavy session I did the shots-math in my head and realized I might be able to drink a entire bottle of wine by myself alone in an hour. I got hard.

I realize or suspect or at least just plain fantasize about the quantity and frequency of my consumption of alcohol escalating considerably.

I don’t spend much time at all thinking about cumming . I’ve only come once since early February. Just occasionally I get a really intense acute desire to come, to make it stop, make the hunger stop, to go away, to have sexual craving leave me alone. I eat a lot of precum. And when I do that, in the past week I have immediately felt an ache to wake up next to a man and suck his cock and drain his balls and swallow it all down, and we would not return the favor, sometimes he then kicks me out of the bed and falls back to sleep

I hadn’t fucked my throat in so long. It was intense last night. I can feel even now twelve hours later a residual faint dull ache in my throat. I’m thinking about it becoming frequent now. I could deepthroat a monster cock by the way. Any offers?

Drinking when told and as or more importantly not drinking unless I’m told makes the drinking an aspect of losing control of a part of my life. And that loss is tremendously arousing.

I’ve gotten to the point in my head where pleasing Abigail is arousing. Back in the day it was more that getting Abigail hot got me hot. That is still true. Very true but it’s not perquisite for strong arousal. I don’t have to turn Abigail on for it to feel hot to me . If she likes what I’m doing or is pleased by it, that is enough.

I’ve been giving some thought, while stroking, to the idea of being of a lower class of being than Abigail. I’m her pet. I’m her animal. I’m a subhuman. She can love me. She can use me. She can be caring, she can be ruthless. I have no say. I am her pet. It’s what I’m for.

One recurring fantasy has her conducting experiments on the effects of alcohol, cialis and modanifil on me. Dosage and safety are not her concern. Just seeing what happens is important. Parts of this are leaking into my reality. It drives me crazy. See my note about the arousal of deliberate self-damage.

And always my mind is subject to the heat that is this unpredictable mix of the compassionate with the callous, that is Abigail.

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