Abigail’s Pet Project

It’s been about a month now since I last came. Neither I nor Abigail are sure of the exact date but it was most likely sometime in the beginning of February. It started without any negotiation it was more that I happened not have cum for a few days and she suggested extending it.

I’ve always enjoyed the denial because I’m such an arousal junkie. Orgasm just kills arousal stone dead. But once we got to the end of February Abigail had said that that would be it, but then it got extended and I’m not sure even why oh wait I think it was because I had been wanking so much that my performance at work had started to suffer. And there’s one thing that’s very important to Abigail and that’s that I do well in my job so I can afford to stay in this relationship with her. So her reasoning is largely selfish which of course I find, you guessed it, hot. Now the date is March 15, the Ides of March. Well it was March 15, and now it’s ‘at least March 15′.  So I don’t know how long this is going to go on for.

I do know that since we’ve entered the month of March I’ve been very keen to cum. I get into these masturbatory sessions where because I can’t cum I find it soooo difficult to bring the sessions to an end, and so desperately want to cum so that I can bring it to an end and move on with my life. One prime consequence of being ‘denied’ is that I get distracted a lot. My mind whispers for me to take a break from what I am doing so that I can spend some time stroking my cock, it won’t be for long, come on, you deserve it. But I know from experience that if I start to go down that road I could lose two to five hours, perhaps all day to stroking. So I exert what feels like superhuman mental discipline to not wank my life away. This of course is in some ways of looking at it, pathetic.

And here I am in a relationship that plays on that. The mental torture. The growing sense of being a compulsive masturbation addict, and it getting worse and worse. Wanking for two hours at a time is very common. Nights with very little sleep because much of it is spent stroking is becoming common. There are no stipulations from Abigail on how much sleep I can have, so the sleeplessness is driven by sexual need, arousal addiction.  Like last night where I slept from about 430am to 700am  …  and combining that now with intoxication. I do think Abigail will grow tired of it and move on but it’s very hot while it lasts. Though she did drop a hint that she’s really liking it somewhat and maybe she won’t move on in interest as quickly as she has before.  The arousal addiction is combined with what feels like a little too much thinking on my part about drinking.  The enjoyment of being buzzed is perhaps a little too complete. A little seductive.  Often now I just ache to start drinking, not in a alcoholic’s way, not a need to have alcohol in my bloodstream but an ache to be bad, to get out of control, much like extreme sexual arousal does to me.

Tease, Denial, Arousal Addiction, Alcoholic Intoxication it’s a crazy mix and I’m right dead center in the middle of it and am not sure that’s a wise place to be.

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