Abigail’s Pet Project

Mistress X retired and I searched for someone of her caliber to see instead. I found Mistress Y.

Mistress Y, like X, is physically stunning, is very intelligent, very experienced, and is a specialist in seductive sensual domination. And her play space was similarly sumptuous, comfortable and fitted out with intimidating and exciting devices and equipment.

The sexual peak of our session for me was when I deep throated the bright red strap on with such fervor she encouraged me to take it easy but she was impressed with my ‘ability’. She had used clawed gloves on my skin. She used a small whip on my cock. She did other things, of which I only have very vague memories. But inside I wasn’t going anywhere. In fact I found myself having to fake my excitement thought breathing and voice because I felt so bad about how disconnected I was from the scene. I knew that this was an awesome play space, that she was beautiful, that she was intelligent, creative, but mentally nothing was melting, I wasn’t slipping in to any form of submissive headspace.

And here’s why:

After reading her extensive website I searched around the web and found a long interview with her. It showed her to be a professional domme of the highest order, but unfortunately for the narrow selfish context of my needs psychologically in the scene, I learned she was gay. I knew therefore that there was no chance of us becoming a couple (trust me I’m laughing along with you at the ludicrousness of it all). More specifically it made it impossible for me to buy that she would gain any sexual pleasure from the scene with me – even if that’s not true, it played enough on my insecurities to make it ‘true’ in my head.

Rightly or wrongly I left my encounter with Mistress Y feeling that if my encounter with someone of her caliber left me feeling this dead and untouched, then my earlier encounter with Mistress X had been a one-off that could never be matched, simply because I felt a connection with her that I would not be able to replicate elsewhere

And if you’re looking for a neat “why is this in the blog” moment here it is: The issue of where Abigail stands in regard to her feelings for me comes up in our relationship.

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