Dirty Weekend of Tease and Denial and Compulsive Masturbation
September 4th, 2006I don’t know if this weekend the relationship moved somewhat to a different place or it was just a long weekend vacation for a pervert. Either way it was extremely intense.
I’m speculating as to what happened in the immediate lead up to this but perhaps I got very horny on Friday and it showed in my diary entries and Abigail noticed this and this coincided with a certain heightened level of sexual appetite in her. And so when we chatted online on Friday it quickly became overtly sexual with her at some point asking me if I had any dildos in the house (as you do in polite pervy company). I dug them all out, measured them and listed them out in some detail. You can find this list in an earlier blog entry).
Well it doesn’t take someone with heightened levels of perception to figure out that if she’s asking these things then something dirty might be in the works.
Right now at the end of the ‘dirty’ weekend, it’s 945pm on Sunday night.
I haven’t slept since I awoke around 7am on Friday morning. There’s probably a long medical name for it but I have a sexual fetish related to that feeling I have during the day after a night during which I have not slept. A feeling of being strung out, psychologically paper thin, or a husk.
And I am to an extent a compulsive masturbator based in my addict-like relationship with sexual arousal. And so the past 48 hours have been largely taken up with just that. Masturbation.
Tiredness and masturbation without orgasm are well worn paths to controlling me, or at least strongly influencing and modifying my behaviour. Fortunately besides myself, Abigail and of course yourself almost no one even suspects this about me. And you aren’t in my life (are you?) so you don’t count 
Also, I have at times had a dark forced-intoxication fantasy and that hung in the background on Friday night with the consumption of , by forced-intoxication standards, a modest quantity of beer and whiskey.
All of these things and more got wound up together this weekend.
On the Friday I learnt how to drink beer by dipping the huge black cock dildo “Lex” into my beer (Boddingtons for those who care) and lapping it off. Abigail had me ‘try’ that three of four times.
We talked about the series of websites that have very high quality hot trailers for them, Wired Pussy, Sex and Submission, Ultimate Surrender and last but not least Men in Pain At her request I purchased a subscription to Men in Pain for Abigail, and together we watched a couple of the videos - they were by turns hot, scary and funny, and hot again. And at times overwhelmingly intense. We viewed, chatted and ‘played’ for eight hours.
It was Saturday morning around 6am when the ‘night’ ended. For the first time in a very long time indeed I did something anally for Abigail. It was especially nasty for me psychologically because I usually have cleaned myself up beforehand, know it’s coming etc.. I really don’t care for any literal dirtiness in anal play, so it takes a tremendous level of arousal in me to not care a damn about such things. So it was this time. I was pretty crazed by this point. I fucked myself in the ass with a tremendously well-lubed ‘anal intruder’ and then put the Tantus plug in my ass and was banned from sleeping and ordered to get boring work chores - the UPS mailing for work - done as early as possible so I could get back to the important thing in life - stroking.
The going up and down on the intruder completely burnt out my thigh muscles - I guess I should work on that! .. and then I had the plug in my ass for just shy of four hours. I find that a plug in my ass, esp of that size, messes with my ability to think, reason, plan .. the sensation is very ‘present’ in my mind at all times, it doesn’t fade into the background.
And Abigail strongly encouraged me to stroke, suck Lex, fuck my throat and generally be nasty as much as possible during that day and we’d chat later (Saturday night). She went to bed at about 6am (PST). I stayed up anally penetrated and masturbating.
We chatted later around 3pm just after she awoke. I got some work for her done contacting authors of some malesub blogs to set up possible exchanges of links.
In the evening she did what she knows drives me mad by talking to me then disappearing. With me being so horny it didn’t then take much to get me to send her $250 so that she’d talk to me. Of course I have no idea if she was going to chat with me or not anyway but it was a hot scene demonstrating my idiotic vulnerability.
During this session I got Lex warmed up with a hotwater ‘bath’ for ten minutes or so, then commenced to suck ‘him’, and occassionally deep throat him.
One detail of the conversation that sticks in my mind was Abigail in passing mentioning my having no girlfriends. I asked if that was going into the guildelines and she said that no, it was not as the not having girlfriends was, she felt, pretty much a given and not something that should come up for discussion. As is her style she doesn’t elaborate on a comment like that, she just lets you stew in the juices of your own twisted dark imagination. In my mind I’m thinking: “no girlfriends because I’m hers; no girlfriends because … “, etc., etc.. Then, of course, with a minor amount prodding she gets you to confess the contents of your mind, and she runs with it, dragging you deeper.
Abigail picked up on a ‘fantasy’ Idea i’d had that she liked. Removing the linings of pockets to facilitate the surreptitious caressing of my cock. I have a pair of those snipped shorts on right now. After all, all the pants and shorts that I wear in the house must have that modification now - see the recently introduced twelfth guideline.
And once again no sleep. And some very intense exchanges. And a sense of deepening, of darkening.
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