Abigail’s Pet Project

The reason why financial domination turns me on is not necessarily going to be the same reason why it turns another person on.

It turns me on because it makes no sense to do it. It’s extremely real in it’s consequences. It’s something that would be shameful and humiliating to have revealed to people in my real life. Money is freedom and without it your choices narrow. It’s something that by turn excites, depresses, consumes and troubles me.

I suppose I could illustrate some of this by describing some of my thought process with regard to the recent development of the $250 monthly fee.

What do i think about it?

I hate it. I could pay for things with that now I can’t. It’s stupid. I don’t have to do it. There’s nothing beyond the arousal in doing it and the long term desire to try to follow through and trust Abigail and give as much (emotionally) to this “relationship” as I can and trust it will ultimately take me somewhere i will be glad to be. it makes my cock hard thinking of the stupidity of it. It makes me hard to know (tthe extent I ever know anything) that Abigail will be excited to see the money… to see me complying , obeying. The fact that Abigail said to me it needed to be paid by the end of the month and then I see a pay to view email on the 11th of the month is intoxicating and makes me think of how it would please her most to see it arrive on the the first of the month.

It can lead to or be tied to required changes in lifestyle. I’ve cut and cut and cut my expenses. Today I downgraded to basic cable and in a few days I’ll be taking advantage of a lower broadband internet access pricing. And i rarely eat out. I have a minimal social life. I put up with a hot or cold house depending on the weather and don’t resort to heating and cooling nearly as much as I used to. I’m trying to cut my grocery bills. I rarely buy clothes. My vacations consist of the occasional long weekend to places that I can drive to from where I live. I have been considering listing my purchases item by item so that Abigail, should she feel the need, can review them.

It’s not a secret that the reason Be a Model Employee appeared early in the guidelines was because that will lead to more money for Abigail, but also because my compulsive arousal addictive behaviours have , in the past, posed some threat to my career.

For some dommes blowing off work to stroke my cock all day would be incredibly arousing and would be encouraged. Not Abigail. She’s in it for the long term. She wants a stable of chief executives gladly paying a monthly fee to remain under her care and guidance.

But it’s not the total amount that’s hot (well partly it is of course) it’s how much you give Abigail relative to how much you have to give. If you have $10K in disposable income and you give her $1000, that’s not nearly as hot nor commendable as having only $100 in disposable income and handing it all over. Currently the intent is to move me very much into the latter category.

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